I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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