do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
