He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
