she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
