took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
