I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
