just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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