i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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