I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
