Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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