Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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