This is not my ceiling
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
