I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
