gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
