great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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