He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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