I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
