if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
