Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Green mimosas i think yes
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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