THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
