This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
