Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
there's paper in my vomit.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
