first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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