first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Bring me that man meat
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
