I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
