don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
