We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
