thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
