Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
