You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
