I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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