thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
