if you like me you must not know who I am
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
