I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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