There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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