I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
