i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
