we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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