Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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