ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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