im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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