i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
