Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
