So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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