I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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