Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
