Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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