In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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