You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
