OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
