You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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