She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
