sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
