Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
