He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
