I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
