Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
