You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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