I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
