...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
