I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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